What helps kids to cease sucking their fingers or thumbs? I'm hoping that these principles will prove useful for grownups who want to overcome mistaken-things-we-put-in-our-mouths like excessive food, alcohol or drugs, and cigarettes. Thumbsucking emerges in infancy, but the habit may start even earlier. Many babies have been sucking already for multiple months before they even leave the womb. By the time they have grown to age 3 or 4 when it's time to stop the habit, kids thumbs travel a well-worn path to their mouth, so familiar that most aren't even aware when or if their thumb is in their mouth.
I know that from first-hand experience. I sucked my thumb until I was nine years old. By then I needed years of orthodonture to undo the damage. When I saw my own children repeating the pattern, I asked our family dentist what to do.
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"Trying to end thumbsucking will do more harm than good," our genial dentist advised me. He was concerned that parents would end up fighting with their child or damage the child's self-image by calling attention to sucking habits.
In response to this advice I initially tried to relax and let the thumbsucking continue in spite of my chagrin. Gradually I came to my senses.
"My dentist is great with teeth, but should I trust his psychological advice?" I thought, remembering that I in fact was a psychologist. So I put on my psychologist's hat and thought again.
"Looks are hugely important to one's success in life. Allowing thumbsucking to damage facial appearance is wrong advice."
Fired up by that realization, I sat down and wrote a story about a child who breaks a thumbsucking habit. The next day, plopping my three year old son next to me, I read the story aloud.
My son was mesmerized. Even more astounding to me, at the end of the story he promptly announced that he was making the same decision as the boy in the story. He decided to stop sucking his thumb.
From this experience came my first book, David Decides About Thumbsucking, plus an education for me on overcoming addictions. Here's the main principles I learned. Beyond thumbsucking they apply to mistaken childhood habits of all types, like nail-biting, hair-pulling or twisting, whining, shouting, and hitting. They apply also to grownup addictions ranging from drugs or cigarettes to gambling, affairs, and excessive anger.
Lesson #1 Appreciate that addictions begin because they serve a positive purpose.
In a study with premature infants, researchers found that infants who sucked their thumbs or a pacifier had shorter hospital stays. That was because rhythmic sucking soothed them so that they spent less energy in crying. In addition, sucking re-optimized their heart beats and breathing patterns if they were beginning to get upset. It had the same positive impact if they were fussing because they had been getting bored. Sucking even regulated the muscle movements of peristalsis in their gut so they digested their food more efficiently.
In studies of children who do or do not suck a thumb, finger or pacifier, it turns out that the suckers become emotionally more independent at a younger age. Researchers put a child and mom on one end of a long room. On the far end were appealing toys. The suckers ventured further and played with the toys away from Mom longer than the non-suckers. They all had similarly positive interactions with Mom on returning to her. They just had higher self-confidence in being able to handle independent play, knowing that if they felt stressed they could suck for a bit, feel better, and resume playing on their own.
Lesson #2 Understand that addictions continue because they are gratifying.
Addictions, including thumbsucking feel good. That's why they take on a life of their own long after the original purpose has passed. Once the original purpose no longer is there, they are "self-reinforcing" because they continue to generate positive feelings of some sort.
Four and five year old children do not have to suck to regain a positive emotional state By then they have multiple means of calming themselves when they are upset, and of entertaining themselves when they feel bored. They are no longer dependent on their thumb or pacifier as t he only option. They can walk into a different room and find a new toy if they are bored, run to mom for a hug if they feel upset, and open the refrigerator door to pull out an apple if they are hungry. Yet the sucking is likely to continue. That's because it feels good. Lesson #3 Ending a habit starts with a decision.
Almost all attempts to end addictions, at any age, begin with receiving new information.
Someone-in the case of kids' sucking addictions that's usually a parent, an older sibling, a dental professional, a grandparent-needs to raise issue and offer new information that makes continuation of the habit look less appealing.
Lesson #4 Habit-ending benefits from a combo of fear and desire.
Decisions to end addictive habits generally include elements that are both fear-motivated and motivated by the gains that will come with overcoming the habit.
In the David Decides story David looks in the mirror and has a heart to heart talk with himself.
"My thumb in my mouth feels good but I look silly. My thumb in my mouth makes me look like a baby." In addition, thinking of what his brother Michael had explained about why he was wearing braces, David thinks, "I want my teeth to stay just the way they are right now."
It helps though that David has a positive goal as well. He learned from his older brother Michael, "Mom offered to take me to the toy store to pick out something special if I could sleep thirty nights without my thumb."
Lesson #5 Ceasing can be a struggle. Keeping track of progress helps keep motivation up to make it all the way to the goalline.
Michale explained to David, "We made a chart to keep count of the nights. On the chart we wrote how many nights I had to sleep without my thumb to earn my prize. Then each night that I made it No Thumbs, we put a star on the chart."
Lesson #6 Block the Habit
Trying to end a thumbsucking or other addictive habit triggers a reaction very similar to the grief reaction triggered by any loss. There's a sense of something or someone missing, with an impulse to hunt for the lost person or object. It's vital therefore to have a way to block the option of resuming the old habit.
David's older brother Michael warned David about how hard a time he had at first going to sleep without his thumb.
"I kept lying there without going to sleep. I felt like something was missing. I really wanted to let my thumb back in my mouth. I locked my hands between my knees. Some nights I had them under my pillow. Finally sleep would come But during the night when I was sleeping, my thumb kept going into my mouth again."
Michael continued, "One night at bedtime I cried. I told Dad that stopping sucking was just too hard. I wanted to give up….That's when we came up with our best idea. We put socks on my hands. We taped the socks around my wrists so I wouldn't pull them off while I was sleeping. I reminded Dad every night to help me put on the socks. I kept the tape next to my bed so we wouldn't forget. The socks made my hands sweaty, but they did keep my thumbs out of my mouth. And in the morning if I still had the socks on my hands, I knew I had made it the whole night No Thumbs.
Lesson #7: Addictions are contagious.
Staying clear of others who still indulge in the habit is usually vital to ending your own habit.
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Susan Heitler, Ph.D., is the author of many books, including From Conflict to Resolution and The Power of Two. She is a graduate of Harvard University and New York University.
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